I'm immersed in fear, baptized by it.
I die within it, consumed.
Each plunge, each little-death wakes the old panic.
The beast struggles to live.
Bowel-gripping hands pull, grope and claw;
hope flutters away.
But I've done this before;
I've died this death.
Dying, I yet live.
But knowledge cannot eclipse pain.
Familiarity breeds connection.
I know full well the consequences, yet I continue.
Remembrance tells me I will rise again.
History declares the breath will come before I drown.
My fear has no scholar's memory.
For this moment, I'm drowning.