Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Regrets

For our first holiday season as a married couple we took the advice of some people and didn't spend time with either of our families. The idea was to begin setting our own traditions and to avoid conflict over where we would go.

I now regret it. I will never get to have a Thanksgiving or Christmas with my father-in-law. I will never go to Napenthe's with the whole family the week after Christmas. That is forever lost to me and I regret it deeply.

2 comments:

Clarissa said...

Now, be sure to focus on the special times you DID have and not just the ones you didn't. But learn from your regrets -- you may be called upon to advise another young couple on this topic sometime.
Suggestion: perhaps the family can still go to that place and while there, each one share a memory about him. (A good book called "A Decembered Grief" has lots of such suggestions. Don't remember who wrote it.)

Adam Wolfgang said...

James,
I am a tradition beast, I love and hold dear the holliday traditions of my families past. About Eight years ago all that went out the window because my Grandfather died, and the next year his wife (my grandma) and now every holiday I feel empty because those traditions are lost. I remember the first christmas without Grandpa (he died Dec 15) was an extremely rough emotional, and yet healing time. I would encourage you to both participate in your families traditions and create your own family traditions. My father and I have done that by attending a very traditional mass on Christmas eve now. I enjoy the new, without forgeting about the old. I always take time to honor my grandparents in someway during various times throughout the year. Some of the traditions we still participate in are only for the purpose of honoring our family, and those who created them.
It will no doubt be a difficult holliday season for you and your family. I pray that you will find healing and peace through memories and traditions carried on.