Tuesday, November 02, 2004


Where is the balance? Where is the ‘happy medium’ between the extremes? How do I grieve for my Father-in-law but still get on with my life? How do I get on with my life without forgetting?

My wife and I are thousands of miles away from the rest of her family. We don’t have the face to face contact or the task of sorting through Doug’s things and cleaning out his office. We don’t have the opportunities to remember and to grieve. I feel like we are too far away to feel sometimes. Sure we will have moments of memory, but they don’t bring back the sharp pain of loss. It’s muted. It’s distant.

I have done quite a few things since Doug’s loss to try to remember him. He was an incredibly active man and he had just left the track where he was running (at 60 years old) when he was hit. I have started running and working out. I know he would like that. He was encouraging me to join Toastmasters, and I have done that. I know he’s proud. He always told me he was proud of me, just like he said to his own children. And it always made me want to work harder to make him proud.

Doug, you’re lost to us, but you have found rest and a home; save us a spot.

1 comment:

Clarissa said...

It has been a comfort to me when I've lost close relatives to know that they are part of that great cloud of witnesses -- and also to know that they can pray for us from their lofty perches. And how much more effective their prayers must be when not hindered by earthly thinking! You can't talk to him -- but he can know what's happening in your lives. And he can pray for you. Haven't studied all of this deeply, but read Joe Beam's "Seeing the Unseen" several years ago and he has a great chapter on all of this which is chock-full of scripture on the subject. That has really stuck with me.
Don't feel guilty if you're not grieving 24/7. He'd want you to go on with your lives, and it's great that you're honoring him as you are.